[00:00:03] Speaker A: There's something that I call remember. And the remembrance, it literally is a remembrance. It's this deep remembrance that happens because we are connecting to who you are. We are connecting to why you're here, to what you're here to do, what you're here to feel. And this unlocks this unshakable confidence from deep, deep within that you've got this. No matter what happens in the rest of the world, you've got this.
[00:00:27] Speaker B: You're listening to love and libido with me, your host, doctor Emily Jamia. The goal of this podcast is to educate and inspire. My hope is that you will learn tools to create connection and cultivate passion both within yourself and in your relationships. Here's what's coming up on today's episode.
[00:00:47] Speaker C: Are you someone whose past sexual trauma is preventing you from enjoying sex at your full capacity? Do you, do you even know what your full capacity is? Or have you, like so many people, accepted mediocre sex as your norm? Today we are going to talk about how reclaiming, reconnecting, and rediscovering vital parts.
[00:01:06] Speaker B: Of yourself can propel you out of.
[00:01:08] Speaker C: Trauma and into sexual pleasure. I am joined by Kim Coffin, a certified trauma informed somatic empowerment and sexuality coach. She's a best selling author and teacher and founder of get your Sexy back. She specializes in sexuality, pantric sex and relationship transformation, giving you the tools to unleash your sexual confidence and unlock profound new levels of self love, pleasure, empowerment and intimacy with yourself and in your relationships. Let's dive in.
[00:01:41] Speaker B: Today's episode is sponsored by Betterhelp. My inbox is flooded with DM's on a daily basis with people just like you who want help with their sex and relationship issues.
[00:01:50] Speaker C: I wish I had time to answer.
[00:01:52] Speaker B: All of your questions, but luckily other resources are available. Look, without healthy relationships and a calm mind, being truly happy and at peace is hard. The good news is help is available. You deserve to be happy and now you dont have to worry about finding an in person therapist near you. Betterhelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist. So you dont have to see anyone on camera if you dont want to. Its much more affordable than in person therapy and you can start communicating with your therapist in under 48 hours. Join the millions of people who are seeing what online therapy is really about. And as a special offer to Lep and libido listeners, you can get 10% off your first month of professional
[email protected]. dremily that's betterhelp.com Dremily, thanks again to Betterhelp for sponsoring this episode.
[00:02:44] Speaker C: Kim, welcome to the show. I'm so happy to have you here with me today.
[00:02:48] Speaker A: Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to chat.
[00:02:51] Speaker C: Yeah, so we have so many directions we could go with this. I know that you have done a lot of work around trauma and somatic practices as it relates to sexuality. And so I think that's where I'd like to focus. Before we do that, though, I'd love to hear a little bit about how you got into the field and how your story inspired the work that you do.
[00:03:15] Speaker A: Absolutely. It's quite a. Quite a journey because, yeah, if you told me ten years ago that I'd be a sex love relationship coach, Tantra coach, I'd be like, pardon? What? No way. Because I still held all of that conditioning and shame and disconnection and everything else that went around that when it came to my body and to sexuality, to pleasure, to all of those things. So if I'm going to go back, because, you know, it's always easier to see now than it was then.
I would go back to when I was, you know, 1415. I was 14, I think, at the time when I actually woke up in the middle of the night being sexually assaulted by my stepfather. And it was a huge moment. I will never forget that night and every single minute of the rest of that night, because I never went back to sleep. And everything went through my mind. I could actually see every single trauma response going through, you know, through the night. Do I run away? Do I say something? Do I call the police? Do I end my life? Like, it actually went through it all. And around five in the morning or so, I remember thinking, oh, I know what to do. I know what to do, right? I had this. Aha. I just have to tell my mom. I just have to tell my mom. That's what we've been told, right? Over and over and over. And that message came through all of a sudden. So I waited till he went to work that day, and I went up and told my mom. And I was so scared. Like, it blows me away the way that a teenage or a child's brain thinks. Like, I was like, I'm in trouble. How do I tell you this? And not only am I in trouble, can I go to the semi formal tonight? Like, I was afraid I wasn't able to go because I'd been planning it for months, right?
[00:04:53] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:04:54] Speaker A: Crazy how our brain thinks we are in trouble, but it does. And the hardest part was she believed me. And then she sent me to school. And that was a big red flag looking back now.
And within a couple hours, she showed up at the school with my stepfather and told me to get in the front seat of the car and she was going to sit in the back and I was going to talk to him. And she never said a word. And she's never admitted it.
Never talked about it, has not believed me since.
[00:05:24] Speaker C: Gosh. So she put you in the front seat to talk? Not to confront him, but just to talk to him like nothing?
[00:05:30] Speaker A: Kind of. Kind of to confront him. But while he said, you know, I didn't do that, I did not touch. Oh, yeah, it was pretty. It was a confrontation while she just sat there.
[00:05:40] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:05:40] Speaker A: Like, and I can get it. I can see her trauma response as well, that she was definitely in the freeze, she's definitely in the fawn. Who knows what else was in there, right?
And I remember right then and there, I did confront him a little bit. And I said, you know what? You did?
[00:05:55] Speaker C: And he.
[00:05:56] Speaker A: The way he leaned across and was like, no, I did not. There was something in his eyes that I saw that I was like, I'm not winning this one. Yeah. So that left me, you know, with not only an assault, but with a huge betrayal from my mother. And it left me very, very confused, obviously, for many, many months. I remember just kind of being very much a zombie, even walking through the school. They sent me back to school after that. It was insane. It was insane to look at it now and go, you did what? And fast forward into my twenties, into my thirties and so forth.
It left me very disconnected from my body, right. Very confused as to what was mine, what was my pleasure? Built up with shame. Built up with shame on pleasure, shame on sex, shame around my body, breasts, you name it, right? It left me really, really confused. So as I moved into having children, it left me also very burnt out from not actually dealing with trauma, right. Not actually facing what had happened. Very stressed, very numb, very disconnected. And of course, that led into, you know, doubting myself, people pleasing, feeling like I didn't fit in, always saying yes and not speaking my truth. It wasn't safe to speak my truth, as I already saw with my mother, right? So it built and it built and it built into adrenal fatigue and thyroid dysfunction and left me very, very angry, exhausted and wondering why everybody else out there seemed to be able to do it, but I couldn't. Yeah, we'll do that.
[00:07:30] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:07:31] Speaker A: Yeah. And it really it really built up and did a number on me.
So it actually took me 2013, things started to come to a head, and I started to really feel this calling to slow down, but I wasn't listening exactly. I was like, yeah, one day. Yeah, right? So the world, the world universe literally slowed me down and put me on my ass and broke my ankle, my right ankle. With three kids in rep sports and couldn't drive. Right. It was like, okay. So I had, like, 1216 weeks of, like, nada, like, dependent on people driving me, stuck on a walker, you name it. And the messages still came through to slow down, and I started to reclaim some of my boundaries. My mom and stepfather were still in my children's lives. They're still in our lives. Like, very, very.
Mother's very much, you know, very narcissistic. Very. I was actually afraid of her right up until 40, believe it or not.
And it took till around 20, 1741, when I finally got up the courage and the oomph to go, something has to give here, because I absolutely lost who I am.
[00:08:39] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:08:39] Speaker A: And it was the me too movement, actually, that really did spark. I was already on my own move towards, you know, reclamation, and I'd already hit a rock bottom, and I'd already actually signed up to first start with working with mama Gina that year as well, but it hadn't happened yet. And then the me too movement happened. And I remember reading everything for two days straight. Every story I could get my hands on, I was searching for them, because every single story I read was inspiring me. Was like, oh, okay. They felt this way. Oh. They felt like I could see a patterning in myself in many stories. And I was driving to Ottawa. I lived 45 minutes west of Toronto, and I was driving 6 hours to Ottawa on the Tuesday.
And I remember pulling over for gas, and it was all over the radio. It was all over everything that week. Right. I remember pulling over for gas and posting my really quick first, like, me, too, on my Facebook page. And then I, like, closed the app, closed the phone, threw it in the backseat, and kept driving to Ottawa. Yeah. And that's what really instigated, like, me actually speaking my truth. I'd already worked with counselors over the years. Everybody kind of, like, it wasn't hidden, you know, my partner knew, some of my family knew, some friends knew, and I definitely worked with some therapists over the years, but I hadn't really owned it, and I hadn't really done the work to reclaim the places that I was really disempowered. And it was starting that year where I really was like, okay, like it's this or nothing. Like, there's nothing left in me if I don't. So that is when I went on a really big deep dive, working with world renowned leaders of really learning how to reconnect to my body, how to reclaim the places that I've been disempowered and not owning my truth and boundaries and pleasure, you name it. Right? Really reconnecting my sensuality to my sexuality, really learning how to come home in my body and find that safety and that trust to be who I am, be my true, authentic self, essentially.
[00:10:38] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:10:39] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:10:40] Speaker C: Well, I mean, first of all, thank you so much for sharing your story, because I know so many people, just as you saw elements of your experience through things that people share during the hash metoo movement, I know there are so many people listening who can probably connect with pieces of your story or who resonate on some level. And, you know, it's so interesting. I've worked with so many people who have experienced sexual trauma similar to what you described. And, you know, there's the trauma of the assault itself, but how many people's parents or mothers just completely deny or pretend that nothing happened continues to shock me? And I guess at this point in my career, I shouldn't be shocked by anything. But it's like, as a parent now, I can't imagine not believing every single word that my child said. But, you know, but I heard what you said earlier, how that was your mother's own trauma reaction as well. And I can see that. I can see that.
And I think that really especially speaks to where you are in your own growth and healing. I think when we can have.
When we can hold someone accountable for what they did wrong while still having compassion for what they may have been going through is really hard for people to do.
[00:11:57] Speaker A: And she still holds that it didn't happen.
It was 27 years later. She still won't admit it, and she still won't even talk about it. And that is okay. I see now that I'm so much more better off on the whole, as are my children, without having that energy in our lives. So. And that's okay. And it's actually the best thing I ever did. It's actually one of the things that I was like, why didn't I do this sooner? Like, why did I wait till 40 right now? And sometimes we got to hit that bottom, and it's been the absolutely best journey since. The hardest part was admitting it. Right. And actually speaking out loud.
[00:12:34] Speaker C: Yeah. I think, you know, when I'm working with people who've experienced trauma, you know, there's first identifying it as a trauma or as an assault, and then it's starting to peel away the shame. And what I always try to tell people is, the shame you feel is not your shame. It's the shamelessness of the person who assaulted you. And especially when things happen when we're young, we kind of internalize all of the feelings that are happening around us. So when someone is acting shamelessly, we kind of carry that shame around as if it belongs to us. And so learning to release that shame and put it back on the person that it belongs to, I think, is a really important step. And only then do you have the space to reclaim your body and reinhabit your body. Um, and so I'd love to hear a little bit more about that part of your journey, um, of getting back in touch with your body and your sensuality and the work that you did to reclaim your wholeness.
[00:13:35] Speaker A: Totally. That's the fun part. That's the super fun part. I like to break it down into kind of, like three big chunks. Kind of. I can identify that. I also take my clients through. And the first one is reclaiming. Right. It's reclaiming the pieces. The truth. Right. Reclaiming your truth. Reclaiming the places where we have been disempowered.
Learning to speak my truth. Confronting my mother, my stepfather, creating boundaries that served me, my kids, and then really deepening into reclaiming body love, like, true body love and pleasure. Noticing the sensations of my body. Deepening with. Playing with, you know, the jade egg and playing with tantra and sacred sexuality. Sacred pleasure. Really coming home in my body, feeling sexy. Right? Turning on. You talk a lot about desire, like, really reclaiming our turn on what turns us on. And this is not just in the bedroom in life. Right? Like, what do you want to do today? What do you want to eat? What do you want to wear? Really learning how to feel great in your body. And these are all the places that we have been dismissed, shut down, shamed, put away. And what happens when we reclaim these places? We turn on. Literally, we turn on, we light up, we glow, we start to love our life. We learn how to cultivate that safety and trust in our body.
And we're reclaiming.
[00:14:59] Speaker C: Yeah. And it's about identifying those wants unapologetically, which so many women struggle with, I think. Because there's always this feeling of we have to give to other people, and doing anything for ourselves is selfish or, you know, we don't deserve to have any wants or let alone needs and so. Or needs, rather, let alone wants. And so what advice do you give to women who are struggling with that and identifying even what a want is for them, let alone asking for it?
[00:15:30] Speaker A: We have to sit down and do some discovery work, right? Some curiosity work and see what is it that you want. And most people, you ask them that, they're like, I've never been asked that before. So it might take some examples. It might take, okay, go try this. See if you like it. It might take really playing with different tools to activate your turn on and see what feels good. You have to play, you have to be curious, and you have to, you know, explore there. And I'm not talking just in the bedroom here, like, I'm talking about across life, because if we can't, I always say how you show up in the bedrooms, how you're showing up in your life, and it's vice versa. If you can't ask for what you want in the bedroom, you're not asking for it in your life and vice versa. Right? If you're not speaking your truth, your life, you're not speaking your truth in the bedroom. It's a both way. It's a two way street. So I like to dive into a whole pile of actually, different tools to activate your turn on to play. I actually have a workbook, and I probably gave it to you, and if I didn't, I'll make sure I do. Where it's a free workbook to activate your turn on that, you can start to explore and see what works for you. When I work with clients in either private one on one, or in group, these are some of the things we play with. And then, of course, I'm sure you do the same. What happens is like, yeah, I tried that, but I didn't like it. And it's like, okay, now let's do the coaching and go deeper. What's under that? What is what didn't you like? Was it because shame came up? Was it because you're like, oh, I owe my kids more. I should be cooking dinner. The shoulds are huge. Oh, my gosh, yourself. And, yes, it sounds like you're shitting yourself, and you are. Every time you should yourself. So it just depends where you're playing and. And what you are good at and what you are struggling with on the reclamation spectrum. So I like to dive deep and play with that. And when one woman turns on, we naturally give each other permission to turn on also. And I did say women there. I do work with all genders, but I do work with a lot of women in private groups kind of thing. And there's so much permission to. Oh, she said no, she's not watching the kids on Friday night. She's going out. Okay, I'm going to, too, right? Like, there's such a permission of.
Oh, so I'm not a bad mom if I do that. I know. Huge, huge change.
[00:17:40] Speaker C: Totally.
[00:17:43] Speaker B: And now a quick break for a word from our sponsors. Is emotional and physical intimacy a challenge in your relationship? Do you long for the feeling you had in the honeymoon phase? You're not alone. I've created a tried and true method for reinvigorating your relationship. My private online workshop takes an innovative yet scientifically based approach to teaching you the tools to cultivate passion and create connection that lasts. Visit emilyjamia.com workshop for your free trial. I am so confident that you'll have a positive outcome that I've created a 100% money back guarantee. You really have nothing to lose. And if that's not reason enough, subscribers to my podcast get 50% off. Subscribe to the show and use code halfoff at checkout. Offer expires at the end of the week. Visit emilyjamia.com workshop today. And now back to the episode.
[00:18:35] Speaker C: And I love, you know, what you were saying about what we want in life reflects what we feel like we can say we want in the bedroom, you know, similarly, I always remind people that you can't separate your sexuality from your individuality. Anything that makes you who you are is going to show up in the bedroom. And so you have to really understand yourself and your own limitations and your inhibitions, because all of that is going to inform the way you express yourself sexually. And I. And I also love, you know, that you work with people and reclaiming some of that stuff outside the bedroom first, because I think that jumping into, like, identifying sexual likes and dislikes can feel really intimidating to a lot of people. And so I think it's a really good first step to learn how to do it for yourself just in your day to day life. I totally agree.
[00:19:21] Speaker A: And I find most people back to the true, authentic kind of self. Like, they don't know who they are. Most women have no clue who they are. They're doing what they should have been doing, what they were told to do, what they were told they should want to do. Three point, you know, five kids, a dog, and a picket fence. And it's like, do you like that? Like, are you happy? And doesn't mean you gotta get rid of it. But, like, is it making you happy? Or are you going after what you really have wanted all your life, what you secretly dream of? So really finding what turns you on out of the bedroom first is, like, number number one. Because what happens is we start to glow. We start to exude this energy that attracts others to us. We start to attract different life experiences that really are calling to us. So much shows up for us when we start to reclaim those places that we've given our power away. So that is number one. Yeah, that's number one.
[00:20:18] Speaker C: And I love, too, what you were saying about exploring those automatic reactions that you have. Because, you know, like, when working with someone, for example, on a yes, no, maybe type list or identifying sexual likes and dislikes, there are so many items that people have such a strong, automatic no to. And I'm like, let's just talk about that for a second. Like you. Like you were saying, like, what is that about for you? What feelings are coming up? What automatic thoughts are you having about this specific sexual behavior? And can we kind of ask ourselves, like, what evidence do we have to really support that some trying something like this is wrong or dirty or not aligned, doesn't align with who you are, whatever. And maybe come up with a more alternative or balanced thought and then explore how your feelings and hopefully behaviors change. I really, you know, tell people, don't knock anything until you've tried it at least once. Sometimes a couple times for sure, and.
[00:21:14] Speaker A: At least a couple times. But I find there's so much religious shame and conditioning built in. Even if you don't go to church, even if you didn't go to church as a child, there's so much cultural thoughts of, you know, even just going to hell that just comes up or that's wrong, that's bad, that's for those people. And again, a lot of conditioning, a lot of shame. And I don't think a lot of women have a lot of time to slow down and go, is that true, or is this what I was told by my grandmother who is 87 years old?
[00:21:49] Speaker C: Right, right.
[00:21:50] Speaker A: And, yeah, it's built into our society, so we really need to really pull those pieces apart and find out what's true for you. And what's true for me may not be what's true for you. And that's totally okay.
[00:22:01] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:22:01] Speaker A: It's just. Let's find what's true for you.
[00:22:04] Speaker C: You mentioned these concepts of sacred sex and tantric sex. Can you talk a little bit about that? And how it fits in.
[00:22:11] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. So the next key, the next, the second of the third is reclaim, reconnect. And reconnect is reconnecting to your body. It's reconnecting to your sacred feminine, to the innate inner knowing that lives within your pelvic bowl. For a female identifying human, our power center comes from womb space. It comes from our sexual sacral center. That is where our intuition lies. You know, some people say, listen to your gut a little lower for women. Listen to, you know, that womb, that pelvic bowl space. Frequently, I'll use the word pussy. Let's listen to pussy. What is that? Because pussy, to me, is the essence of our entire pelvic bone. Not only our sexual parts being vulva and vagina and all of that, but also our innate inner knowing, like, what is, what's true to you. And we can actually follow our turn on in, like our turn on in our sexual turn on. Like that little zing that you can get when you're slightly turned on. We can use that turn on as to which meal do we want to order off that menu right now. If we sit down and listen, it's like, do we want this, this or this? And you can actually feel and learn to listen to your body and learn to listen to your turn on. And it's quite cool. And you may be thinking, why do I want to do that? Because if you can start to listen to your body on what to wear or what to order off a menu, you can start to listen to your body, into your likes, your dislikes, who to hang out with, who not to hang out with, what to say yes to what to say no to all of these different places. So when we reconnect to body, I like to do this, you know, to sexuality, to sensuality, to your innate power, to your gps, right? And it's stepping in to your power that lives already within your body. Your body is like, brilliant, way more brilliant than your mind. Our mind is so cute at keeping us safe based on past lived experiences. And our body just knows. But so many of us are disconnected from our bodies. We talked about this a little earlier on my podcast. We're so disconnected from our body, from our pleasure, what even we want to do. Especially moms, right? So by using tantra, by using jade egg or Taoism, tantra, sacred sexuality, all of these different pieces, we get to slow down and learn how to feel again, how to listen to the sensations in our body, how to activate our pleasure, how to stop when body says no no more today. And build that consent again, build that safety and trust again within our own bodies. And this reconnect phase is so fun. And this is where we get to really tap into the portal of our power. By reconnecting and the innate wisdom that's available, we can unleash almost anything through our sensual, sexual self again. So different tools to reconnect are playing in. You know, sacred sexuality, which is also the same as tantra, is just a different choice of word. Playing with, you know, in the beginning, a lot of people start with yoga and meditation, but it's then going deeper with that. Yoga and meditation. How can we make the sensuality and sexuality spiritual? How can we reconnect to our innate truth that is already within us?
[00:25:20] Speaker C: Yes.
I'm so aligned with that thinking. You know, I always remind people, you know, as it relates to my own work and my five secrets, I really believe that we are born with everything that we need to be great lovers. But then society and culture and religion and negative experiences and trauma tries to strip those elements away from us. And so what I want everyone to hear, and I'm sure you would agree, is that it's not a matter of becoming someone you're not or changing who you are. It's really a matter of reconnecting with everything that already exists within you.
The body is such a rich source of information, and we don't pay any attention to it anymore. Everything is, like, fed from the outside in, and we've got to start, you know, tuning in from the inside out. And. And I think this work will benefit us in every area of life.
[00:26:14] Speaker A: Yeah. And I like to, you know, give the reference of a two year old. Like, if you look at a two year old, which is what we were once upon a time, right? That two year old is dancing naked through the sprinkler on the front lawn. They're not eating those peas, and they're not going to bed. They know exactly what they need. They know exactly what they're doing. They don't care who's looking, who's watching. And they know their body's like, no, not hungry, no, not tired. And it's coming back to that core essence of who you are. And that's the really important part. And there is so much conditioning and so much shame and so much muck put on top of, I think, who we are. So we're pulling back those layers in the reclaim part. Where have you been disempowered in the reconnect part. What does your body want? How do you touch your body? What feels good, what doesn't. How do you. You learn to listen to your body. And then there's another phase where we can even deepen into all the different types of orgasms. Full body orgasms, you name it.
There's so many different types of pleasure and orgasms to play with. And I can honestly say at this phase, after practicing almost daily for years, to a certain extent of whether it's five minutes or whether it's an hour, it didn't matter. Into sacred sexuality, where every single sexual experience, for me is different.
Every single one. And it can be on a daily basis still. Every single one is different. So learning to have that safety and that trust in my own body, to just follow my pleasure, just to follow my partner's pleasure, just to play and see where it leads, can be so rewarding and so beautiful and so spiritual and so enlivening. Yeah.
[00:27:58] Speaker C: Yeah. And I want everyone to hear that because I think people complain about sex becoming monotonous and mundane and routine, but it doesn't take much. It's really about these subtle shifts in energy which keep every sexual experience kind of unique and exciting and different. And you really don't have to step, like, too far outside the box. It's more of these subtle, energetic shifts and what meaning you're attaching to the sex that you're having. Are you using sex today as an opportunity to be playful, to explore, to connect, to reclaim, to, you know, play with power or surrender control or dominant? I mean, there's just so many things you can. Parts of yourself that you can use sex to tap into. And so I just think that's one of the things that can make sex really exciting.
[00:28:49] Speaker A: Totally, totally. It's so fun. The library, I'm going to call it, or the vastness of choices. Like, I still don't. I know I haven't hit them all. There's so much to play with, right. And I don't have to plan it. It just is with the intention, which is really important. Right. Forming an intention, checking in with your higher north star to see what is in alignment for that day, and learning how to trust your body and learning how to follow your pleasure. That's it. It's like. Right? That's it.
[00:29:20] Speaker C: Yep. Yep. Simple. But simple isn't always easy.
[00:29:23] Speaker A: No, it's not easy because of the conditioning, because all the sugar.
[00:29:28] Speaker C: And what I want people to remember, too, is, yes, this is simple, but it is a process. I think a lot of people throw the towel in too quickly because they give up. They think it's taking too long or they're never going to get there. But I just want anyone listening who, of course, if you have a history of trauma or anyone struggling to enjoy sex because of whatever's going on in your life, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, the tunnel may seem long, but don't give up because there is so much pleasure and connection to be had.
[00:29:58] Speaker A: There's two things I want to say to that. One, the trauma, and I'll come back to that in a second. But first, it's like going to the gym. You can't just build muscles or learn how to do yoga by going once or twice. You have to build and continue a practice. It's like a practice. It's an ongoing practice. And it doesn't mean that you need to give away, you know, 10 hours a week to it. It just means you need to keep coming back to little things. And that's what I teach people how to do is what are the little things throughout the day that allow you to bring in more sensuality? So you are staying in your body while you're at work. So you are staying in your body while you're running the kids to sports. So you are staying connected while you're cooking dinner. Like, what works, what turns you on back to those things to see what needs to work for you. And second, with trauma, I think a lot of people, even if they're listening, they're like, oh, I don't have trauma. Maybe sexual trauma per se, which is really hard because a bad pap smear is trauma giving birth and the doctor not giving consent before they touch you, which, hey, does that ever happen? Almost every is trauma having, you know, them checking you and somebody throw open the door while you're in labor and you're literally flashing everything to the whole hallway. It's trauma. Anytime there's a contraction around your sexuality, there's so many places there's trauma. So unfortunately, yeah, it could be like.
[00:31:16] Speaker C: Death by a thousand cuts for some.
[00:31:17] Speaker A: People, that's exactly what it is. And one of my trauma coaches explains it that way, is, you know, if you work at. If you get a paper cut, it's no big deal. No big deal. But if you work at a paper factory and you're getting 1000 paper cuts a day, you're going to have a big festering wound. And unfortunately for women in today's society, we're living in a society that doesn't perpetuate positive sexual experiences for women or, you know. Right. So there's a lot in there that we have to unpack and rediscover for ourselves.
[00:31:49] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:31:49] Speaker A: And after we do the reclaim and the reconnect, we're all. It's actually all happening at the same time. We're actually doing it all at once. There's something that I call remember. And the remembrance, it literally is a remembrance. It's this deep remembrance that happens because we are connecting to who you are. We're connecting to why you're here, to what you're here to do, what you're here to feel. And this unlocks this unshakable confidence from deep, deep within that you've got this. No matter what happens in the rest of the world, you've got this. And that in itself is so powerful. It's beyond confidence. I used to say even in my twenties and thirties, I was confident. But if I look back, I was fake confident.
[00:32:30] Speaker C: I think so many people are fake confident.
[00:32:32] Speaker A: I was fake confident. If we're gonna call it for what it is now, I'm locked in. Like, I've got. No matter what life throws at me, I've got this because I've created this deep, deep trust and safety within my own body. And that's what leads to epic sexual and sensual and intimacy is brilliant. It's absolutely amazing.
[00:32:53] Speaker C: Awesome. Well, this conversation has been fabulous. Where can people learn more about you and your offerings?
[00:33:01] Speaker A: Absolutely. Keep it really, really simple. My business is get your sexy back and it's getyoursexyback ca for Canada. You can remember that one a little easy.
[00:33:10] Speaker C: I'll definitely link it in the show notes.
[00:33:12] Speaker A: Yes. And my podcast also is get your sexy back. And that makes it nice and simple. And I also have a Facebook group for female identifying humans that's also get your sexy back. And on Instagram, I'm at your sexy back coach with underscores between the words so all the different places you can follow and check out if you want more. There's also a program that I have coming up get your sexy back. I ran it last year twice with two different. I'm like, we're really aligning to brand all of a sudden. I love it. Last year we ran two cohorts of get your sexy back and it's launching again in February, February 2024. I'm really excited for that. And again, just a journey to go deeper into these three pillars and really just start to unpack and rediscover and get permission for reclaiming your sensuality and your sexuality and all those pieces.
[00:34:02] Speaker C: Awesome. Awesome. I will link everything in the show. Notes Kim thank you so much for joining me today and I look forward to staying connected in the future. Future.
[00:34:11] Speaker A: Thanks. Thank you so much.
[00:34:14] Speaker B: Thanks again for listening to love in libido with me, your host, doctor Emily Jamia. If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to subscribe and drop me a five star review share with a friend who might find it interesting. As much as we can learn from experts, nothing makes us feel more connected than hearing from each other. If you have a story that relates to today's episode or just a general question about sex or your relationship, visit loveandlabiedo.com and I'll share it on an upcoming episode. Be sure to visit my website emilyjamia.com to see my latest blogs and to check out my online workshop. Subscribers to my podcast can use code halfoff. Finally, you can follow me across all the social media channels for daily sex and relationship tips. Dremeliejamia thank you so much for tuning in.
