Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Did you know that the bedroom is often the last place for unresolved issues to show up? That's right. Imagine you've done therapy and are feeling better about yourself. You get into a relationship and start having sex, only to discover that sex feels off. Is it bad chemistry? Or could it be your old demons rearing their ugly heads again? That just scratches the surface of everything we cover. In today's episode, I'm joined by relationship expert Nikita Rigg Thickpin. After escaping a family of of violence and exploitation, my guest discovered her inner nerd and learned everything she could about family and relationship dynamics. Today, Nikita Rig Thigpen is the number one balance and relationship advisor in the world, activating power couples and potent humans who privately identify with witty tongue in cheek humor as the lazy overachievers architecting a culture of embodied self care. The intersection of work life, balance, sustainable business, mental health and fulfilling intimate relationships is where Nikit Anita thrives at work and in real life. She is marking her legacy of unbound brilliance, beauty and balance with unapologetic insights on owning the right to be intentionally selfish by leveraging micro sabbaticals that power you to work less and trust your inner brilliance more. Without further ado, let's jump in.
[00:01:25] Speaker B: Good morning, Nikita, and welcome to the show.
[00:01:28] Speaker C: Oh, good morning. I'm thrilled to be here.
[00:01:31] Speaker B: I am so happy to have you here. We were chatting a little bit before I hit record, just about what to narrow in our focus on because you do so many different things, you are such a wealth of information. So I think a good place to start would be for you to just tell people a little bit about yourself and how you got into the field.
[00:01:51] Speaker C: Yeah, I don't know if we have enough time, so I'll give the highlight reel for all of it. So as an individual human, my husband and I have been dating since 17, married since 22. We are around 30 years right now, legal 25.
So we've personally been in that space of realizing the differences that your body, your hormones, your mentality, your life cycle takes you through as it impacts your libido and all the juiciness or lack of that can happen throughout the years because I'm a woman of a certain age.
And so that's the personal side of me, the professional side of me. I was really drawn to this space. All things human behavior is kind of what I say. My background is really layered. I studied psychology, sociology, anthropology, and then I kind of went deeper as a clinician, as a licensed clinical social worker who became a psychotherapist and trauma specialist. And in that, as you know from your background, once you see how people's trauma impacts every single layer of their world, including the bedroom, all the way through the boardroom. Well, I'm a nerd. So that, you know, that was an organic. Follow the rabbit hole down. Like, okay, how does sex impact what's, what's happening here? How does the trauma impact sex and all that, which I know you've done some episodes around as well, all the way through their creativity and self care and building businesses and choosing legacy over living. You know, just all the things that kind of came. So our big umbrella, as we like to say, for our Balance and Relationship Management Institute, which is the hierarchy, our parent company that we've had for this year makes 13 years now, is really building stronger families. Like that, you know, take away all the labels, right? Like it's all things building families and specifically selfishly and personally, so they can leave imprints from their wholeness instead of the generational curses that so many of us humans have experienced because of cultural or community or environment, for lack of a better word. I'll say the deepened imprints that has happened, the scripting, you shouldn't do this. You shouldn't live this way. You're nothing if you don't become that. Or who do you think you are for trying to become. Just all of those things that kind of come up have really influenced my stream of thoughts. The rabbit holes that I followed and my kind of personal mission to just edify humanity.
[00:04:28] Speaker B: Yeah, I love that and I think it's so cool. I mean, you truly at this point have a life partner who you have gone through it with. And it's, it's. I still haven't decided whether it's a blessing or a curse to be knowledgeable in the subject matter that you're also living. I think there's probably more benefits than drawbacks, but you have gone through it and applied your knowledge. I'd like to talk a little bit more about this relationship between self care and enhancing relationships. Because you said a minute ago that the overall goal is to build healthier, stronger families, but you also emphasize selfishness and the power of self care. So how do those two fit in together? Because at first glance it looks like they would be opposite.
[00:05:15] Speaker C: Yep. Which is one of my favorite conversations. Right. So we look at the ideology of the word selfish and it's jarring. Oh, don't be egotistical, you know, don't be self absorbed. Which self absorbed for me is a separate thing. I do not champion self absorption. I don't think it's ever a place in the world for someone who's trying to help and heal to be self absorbed. But there is a place for selfishness. Because if we go back into the history, the little nerd hat coming on, the word got into our lexicon in the mid-1600s. I am a minister, so this is not a tag on anyone's religious beliefs at all. But a Pentecostal bishop actually said to a group of women that was coming to ask for permission, because that's what you did back in the day. You asked for permission to your. Your priest or your bishop or whoever was your spiritual leader for any change that you wanted to make inside your home. And the women wanted to be able to say no. They wanted to say no to sex, to their husbands, when for whatever reason, they wanted the power to say no. And the bishop said, how dare you? It is your duty to obey and to give your husband your body whenever he wants. Unless you are on your menses or pushing a child out of your vagina.
I don't know about you, but I'm just going to guess from the little professional stalking that I've done of you that you would absolutely be like, screw you. You cannot. Right? Like, you know, there's a reason we're all born in a certain, you know, timeline.
And so I looked at that and I wanted to reclaim my power around it. And I was like, you know, there's a time, not just from the perspective of, like, when to have the power to say no, because you just, you're not into it, you don't feel like it, they don't deserve it, you know, whatever the case is. But what can I do with selfish time? I can look in the mirror and say, you got some work to do, girl. I can forgive myself. I can learn to trust myself instead of putting all my trust into another human, regardless of gender, right? I can look in the mirror and decide I want to do something different. You know, maybe my family insisted that I become a doctor or a scientist or a lawyer or whatever, and I want to design shoes because that's my happy place. Or I want to be a librarian. You want that, that spaciousness that you need to give yourself, that intimate gift to create joy your way. And for me, that's what being intentionally selfish is, is you giving this, giving yourself the space you deserve to see what you want in this world, to make some decisions without relying on someone else's expectation of you, someone else's demand on you depending on, you know, where you are in the world right now. And when I really, honestly looked at it, being selfish saved me. I was 15 years old, and I had to make the first selfish decision in my life. And let me be clear, I was not empowered by this decision. I wouldn't see it until much, much later after many years of therapy and, you know, and being able to work it out, because all the helpers need help too, right? But at 15, I had to make a decision. My mother was in substance abuse, my father's, and out of prison, all of the things to leave. My biological mother abandoned me at nine. We got back together around 12 and a half, when she had my youngest brother.
And when I moved back there to live, it was really survival mode to protect him. Everything was protecting him. I mean, she's still in my tokens to get on the bus. She's still in my clothes, she's still in my shoes. Everything that I need, she's trying to sell me for sex and being very successful in some of her exploits for what she was doing to get drug money. And I made a decision. I was like, I'm going to either end up under the jail, maybe dead, or I can choose a different path. And I have zero idea where it's going to lead. None. And so I chose the unknown, because the unknown felt like air, like air I could breathe. And this other path was like, oh, I will be so good running the C block in the jail. Like, I was an entrepreneur. And, you know, I knew it. I was like, I will be running the C block or have, like, a whole franchise of, like, strip clubs or something. Like, I knew that I would be successfully evil in that way, and it's just not what my spirit was drawn to. So I made a decision to leave at 15 and go back to my maternal grandmother's house, who. The house was not better. There was so many other layers there. But I had a little bit more control over my rest safety at that time. I knew that no one was going to come in and open a door in the middle of the night. There was lots of other issues. Mental health, illness, like, all the things. But at least I could control that. And it was some version of oxygen.
[00:09:53] Speaker B: That'S in the right direction. It sounds like.
[00:09:55] Speaker C: Yeah, that I could siphon. And it was a really hard decision because my grandmother told me I couldn't bring my brother. She was like, I'm done raising kids. So you're independent. I've been working since I was 12. As long as you don't come here and disrupt my life, like, whatever, you can have the room, you can go to school, whatever.
And I had to leave him. He was three and a half. That was a horrible, horrible decision to make, one that I shouldn't for a child that's not physically from my womb. But I had to be selfish. I had to do something for me that would allow me to, years later, take custody of him. Right. And to be in a position where me and my husband could do that. It was no way that I could do that at 15 without going into the foster care system and, you know, wow. Having a whole different level of unknown.
[00:10:39] Speaker B: Oh, I mean, I feel like just listening to your story, you lived 20 lives by the time. Well, I mean, it's just a lot. So it's sounding as I'm listening to the themes of what you're describing. It sounds like it's starting from learning to be assertive and asserting your needs, learning when and how to say no, and moving into eventually not losing your sense of self within a relationship. Because I think, you know, we hear the word selfish. And to your point earlier, it does have a very negative connotation. But the way you describe it to me sounds like striking that. Right. Balance of differentiation, which is knowing who you are, what you stand for, what thoughts, feelings, beliefs, opinions you may have that are separate and unique from the ecosystem or the family system or the cultural system or whatever system it is that you are existing within.
[00:11:35] Speaker C: Yeah, you. I'm smiling because. Pun intended, Right. It's one of the reasons that when, you know, clients were saying, you're the queen of balance, you're a balance of relationship advisor. And I was using some. Something completely different. I don't even know what the title was back then, but it's why it resonated with me, because the pun was there. Everything for me, what was keeping me up in the middle of the night really was trying to create a balance between the extremes of pain and pleasure. Right. The extremes of doing for others, gifting to others. You know, women especially, we're over givers, we're nurturers, like all the things. And I was parentified. I'm parenting my parents, I'm parenting my siblings, I'm parenting my grandmother. Like, I'm doing a lot of parenting and not a lot of child play. Child development at a really early age and for a really long time, I will be honest and say I hid behind that, that badge of honor and the validation that you get with being such an ambitious human. Right. Like, you know, all the degrees, all the certifications, all the licenses, blah, blah, blah. Like, all the things.
[00:12:42] Speaker B: The Alphabet soup.
[00:12:43] Speaker C: The Alphabet soup. I love how you said that. And it's. It added to my ability to take care of others. It wasn't for me. It wasn't even really focused on the work. It was, what is wrong with these people? How can I help them more? And by people, I mean my family. Like, what is wrong with my family? That is literally why I, like, followed down what was happening with the world. Because there was a part of me spiritually that understood they aren't evil people. They are. I've seen them do good. I've seen them take up for people. I've seen all the women have had three, four, five jobs. Like, I've seen them hold it down and. And be like, we don't need nobody. But I also saw the extreme trauma response in that. And I didn't have the language. And the nerd wanted to understand. I wanted to understand the language. I wanted to understand what was really happening, the dynamics of it. It's why my. My current doctoral studies is in relationship dynamics. Like, it was me wanting to just better have containers for what was happening in the world, and not just for me, which it was selfishly in the beginning, the first 10, 15 years of my career. But then I started to tune it out and say, okay, well, I need to embody this. For me, the healer needs some healing. But also, how can I support others in a way that isn't martyrdom, that isn't about sacrificing? You know, as so many humans, but especially women, we do it. We do everything. For everyone else, I use this very raunchy, which. This is the perfect place for this. This conversation.
Very raunchy, visual of like, get off my titty. Like, everybody's breastfeeding off of you. And for those of you who have had the experience of milk coming in and having to be able to truly breastfeed a human, you know that you need a break. You get sore, your nipples get cracked and bleed and all kinds of things. If there's too much of it, and if it's a. If it's the wrong fit, if the baby's not on correctly, and we do that with the world, we let everyone latch on. Some people are latched on on the side, which is inappropriate. It's not a good fit. It's ripping, it's tearing, it's cracking. And we still do it as martyrs, saying, well, this is what I'm supposed to do. This is what needs to be done. Even though you need a freaking IV in your arm to continue to get your nutrients because you don't have time to pee in a day. Yeah, what world is that? And working in emergency rooms for 10 years, that was our world. 1216 hour days and you barely could pee. I'm paying for that bladder control right now.
[00:15:15] Speaker B: Yeah, teachers and nurses have a real hard time.
[00:15:18] Speaker C: You know what I mean?
[00:15:19] Speaker B: I know, I know, girl.
[00:15:22] Speaker A: I just launched tons, tons of awesome bonuses on my website. People who purchase just one copy of my new book, Anatomy of Desire, get things like the Intimacy Discussion Deck, a deck of 52 cards with questions designed to deepen connection, and the 30 Day Intimacy Challenge, a calendar with daily exercises designed to deepen connection and expand your erotic horizons. You get access to my masterclass and so much more. By purchasing Anatomy of Desire, you get access to nearly $300 worth of bonuses. I've got a Pleasure Playlist. I've got a Desire Summit. I've got an Unlocking Masculine and Feminine Desires webinar. I mean, the list goes on and on. Visit emilyjamia.com for all the details. Else.
[00:16:09] Speaker B: So you spoke earlier about trauma manifesting itself in the bedroom, and it sounds like you grew up with a lot of trauma around you. And before I go into that, though, I also just want to echo something you said because I think it's so important for anyone considering working through family of origin issues or childhood trauma. I always try to encourage people to remain compassionate toward, you know, the caregivers who may have harmed them in some way, because there's always a context at play. And you do a lot of work on intergenerational trauma and this stuff will continue to move its way down from one generation to the next until someone decides to put an end to it. And you said, I mean, you could see yourself being the mayor of unit C on the Z block, right?
[00:16:56] Speaker C: Absolutely.
[00:16:57] Speaker B: Or, you know, re channeling that energy into something more productive. And I think that whoever it is who makes that decision to put a stop to the intergenerational trauma, it kind of is a lifelong effort because you do your own work and then you're parenting and it's like you have. Well, actually you do your own work and then you're trying to have a healthy relationship, so there's another layer of the work, and then you're parenting, so there's another layer of the work, and it kind of just doesn't stop. And so I just want to, you know, applaud you for continuing to do the work and for Teaching others how to do it as well. But I digress back to my question about how trauma manifests in the bedroom. I would love for you to talk a little bit more about that because it's something I see all the time. You know, people will have done their therapeutic work and their high functioning, maybe they can have a relationship, but they start deepening the emotional and then sexual intimacy with their partner. And that to me is the last place that trauma shows up. Like you think you've healed. And then something happens when you're naked in bed with another person, I think because that's such a vulnerable space where the trauma rears its ugly head again. So what do you see in your work with clients around that?
[00:18:12] Speaker C: Specifically the layers. You hit a really good word in the con, the context that you were setting for people because there are so many valuable gems. I hope you carve that out as a quotable, by the way when you were talking about it. But there is another layer of the parenting that you were just about to needle into before you digressed and came back, which is parenting your inner child.
And your inner child, for those that are listening, is not always the five year old. Sometimes it is is, but many times it's the 22 year old who was date raped, right by, by the boyfriend, by the person that you thought you could trust that maybe you've already been physically sexually intimate with. So now your head is confused on whether or not you gave in or gave mixed signals and all the things, or the 32 year old who got divorced from the husband who decided that he would take it, whatever, take whatever from you he wanted from your money to your body and all of the ways that that's coming up and you're hope chronologically at least beyond that point. But maybe you've compartmentalized because we are Olympic champions. And if there's a platinum medal, women get it for stuffing, stuffing, stuffing until typically it explodes. And what I've seen for many of the power couples that we work with as well as well as the founders, entrepreneurs and leaders who typically show up as females or female identifying, they usually experience that explosion in their body where it comes out. Back in the day we would have said psychosomatically where you know, it's our mind is telling us our body is doing something. But for many of them, genes of autoimmune disorders are actually being flipped on because of the stress. Right? They're actually experiencing physical rashes and all kinds of things. They're having IBS and all kinds of different symptoms. That are coming up. And this isn't to blame them for not being in a space where they felt strong enough to be vulnerable, because it is a strength and vulnerability. Right. As opposed to a lot of cultures and communities, including mine. As an African American woman, we see vulnerability very much unconsciously. It's not always conscious as a weakness. You have to be strong. You always have to be in fight mode. And understandably so because of the history and context. But for many people in the community, they. They don't feel like they can tap into that shrimp to do it. And when it explodes in their body now, they sink back because they don't feel sexy. They don't feel confident in the bedroom, Even if they had a semi healthy sexual appetite before they started experiencing the various changes. Migraines, neck pains, you name it.
[00:20:54] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:55] Speaker C: Can happen from your head to the bottom of your feet. But when that's happening, that's usually the thing that sparks them, is that physical issue that makes them question their confidence in the bedroom. So now where maybe before you didn't care about the lights being on and it's like, turn the lights off. Get. Get under the sheets. Don't touch me. There's a pillow in between us. When we're sleeping, unless we have to do something, everything starts to shift and change.
And usually when couples come to me, it's because they feel like we're at a place where it feels like a chore, where I have to do sex. I have literally do sex. It's not something I want to enjoy or meet in the middle with or look forward to. It's. I have to do it because I'm in a monop. Monogamous relationship. And that's what's expected of me. Otherwise we love each other. Otherwise we're healthy otherwise. Right? Like we. We hear all that. I'm sure you get it as well.
And often when I do the couple's work, yes, of course we meet together as a couple, but the biggest changes happen when we meet apart individually because there's usually as much as people think, it's the woman, many times the men are handling so many layers of burden and expectation on performance and all kinds of things that come up from their locker room days when, you know, boys are measuring sticks. And I mean that in all the ways, right. Like they're doing all the things that are now coming up in their 40s and their 50s of, well, my body's changed, my muscles have changed, my testosterone has changed. And part of that is because of their trauma response too. That they weren't dealing with. So usually it's the separating for lack of a better and giving them those sacred safe spaces to share. How does it feel that you still can't have a conversation with your biological mother right now on the fact that she keeps giving you things you're allergic to for Christmas? Right, like, and you know, and those things are actually coming up in their relationship in a different way. So a little, and I'm always talking in analogies, a little analogy that I like to give people is your inner child, whoever they are, whatever age they are, are driving those adult decision visions right now. That argument that you just had with her, with whoever you're human, your forever lover, as we call them, that conversation that could have been just a communication over differences, elevated so far because of that 26 year old. Oh yeah, that's inside of me.
[00:23:23] Speaker B: It's funny, like when you say that when people come in to see me for sex therapy and we start getting into the family of origin stuff, it's always like, well, what does this have to do with my sex life? And I'm just like trying trust the process, trust the process. Because, you know, I think especially when there is a history of trauma, it all comes down to vulnerability. You know, if you grew up. What I tell them is, if you grew up in a home where it was not safe to be vulnerable for whatever reason, it's going to be hard for you to transcend and experience vulnerability when you're naked in bed with another person. And for men, a lot of times, the work is even giving them the vocabulary because they don't have it. To say, sex for me isn't just about physical release or pleasure. It's an opportunity for me to feel loved and emotionally connected to you. And for women, it's giving them the vocabulary and skills to assert their sexual needs and identify and communicate their interests and pleasures and likes and dislikes. Because I want to get women away from the idea of thinking that sex is something that they need to do for a man.
[00:24:28] Speaker C: Come on.
[00:24:29] Speaker B: When I try to reframe it as something that is nourishing to them as an individual and of course, to the relationship as a whole, but not something they're doing just for another person. Because again, coming back to your analogy of adult baby being stuck on the boob like that, that's what it'll feel like. It'll be like depleting yourself and giving with nothing left to fill you up. So I'm in total alignment with what you're saying.
[00:24:55] Speaker D: I started Paying closer attention to the language my clients were using to describe the sex. They wanted words like effortless, absorbed, and electric stood out.
They wanted to feel lost in the moment, forgetting their woes and insecurities.
I spent hours poring over client notes, going back through sessions in my head, and listening to people with the larger questions in mind.
What were we all searching for in the erotic realm? And was it realistically possible to attain?
And then it clicked. They wanted to experience a state of flow.
[00:25:36] Speaker A: If you liked this sample, be sure.
[00:25:38] Speaker D: To click the link in my bio.
[00:25:40] Speaker A: To purchase your copy of Anatomy of Desire in hardcover, ebook, or audiobook.
[00:25:45] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:25:46] Speaker C: I love that we have a game that I like to play. It was one of the things I do is like to send the new couples a box of toys. Not always the ones that people are probably thinking of, but regular toys that I usually do. Mark do not open in front of kids because many of them are childhood games like Jenga. But we. We make everything sexy, right? Like, it's sexy Jenga. It's for communication. It's for all the things. And sexy Jenga is one of my favorite games to do. Exactly what you're saying is to help them have the words, to have the experience. It's kind of like a mix on Strip poker meets Jenga and the loudness. So as they're holding the Jenga game, usually on something that's stable, let's say, not a real plate that could break and harm someone, but like a plastic tray. Every time someone, you know, misses a block, they have to strip. And whoever ultimately wins the game, that person is the one that has to give the instruction to the other person for what they can do to them. And it's for however long they play the game. So if they play the game for 10 minutes before they lost, well, it's 10 minutes of you follow. Follow the leader. You have to do. And. And I have to say it like, I can't just let you do. You can't move your tongue, your finger, your hand, your foot put anywhere that I haven't instructed you. Obviously, both people win right at the end of this. But it's a really good way to bring in the play and also embrace the awkwardness of it. Because all of the things that we're teaching couples to do can be so awkward and so uncomfortable and can bring up all kinds of feelings of shame and all kinds of just different layers of things that you have to address. But you can't always address things as, you know, in these kind of pockets where they're separate. So it's a really. We. We don't do it right away, but once we get to that place. Sexy Jenga. It's one of my favorites.
[00:27:32] Speaker B: I love that. And bringing play back into the equation because that's another thing. I think people who had dysfunctional childhoods, you know, had to grow up at a really early age. And I think kids are meant to play and have fun and feel free. And when they are deprived of that, it's kind of a skill set that they have to relearn. So, like, in addition, in my work with clients, in addition to helping them through reparenting their inner child. Child, I'm also like, let's give your inner child now the opportunity to play and explore and be curious. And like, let's tap into that energy.
[00:28:07] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:28:08] Speaker B: And see how it shows up in the bedroom so that we can have sex that is multi dimensional and sex that feels a lot of different things.
[00:28:17] Speaker C: Yeah. Like, for anyone who's not watching this. Yes, yes, and yes.
Like, want to throw my bunny slipper at you right now.
Yeah. It's so important to incorporate the curiosity, the adv adventure and the play. Even if you don't consider yourself a naturally curious or adventurous person, the curiosity that leads to the new discovery is really in tandem for those who are like business minded executives or even entrepreneurs that are listening to this. The growth mindset is all about looking at things from a beginner mind. Right. Like all of those. And if you're wondering how you can amplify your intimacy from the bedroom to the boardroom, you have to incorporate the curiosity, adventure and play that Dr. Emily is talking about. Like, it's essential.
[00:29:06] Speaker B: It's a developable skill. I mean, I think a lot of people assume they're either curious or not, but, you know, we know so much now about neuroplasticity, and when we put some effort into it, we can grow and change elements of our personality that, you know, I think expand who we are as opposed to change who we are is the way I frame it.
[00:29:28] Speaker C: That. No, that's a really good point. I have a lot of high level overachievers, those that are codependent on the ambition, very similar to how I was many, many moons ago. So engineers, you know, all the high level thinkers, all of it. And one of the challenges that comes up for them because of all their brilliance and the way they think of it is, well, wait a minute. I've been putting in, like pouring in ingredients into a bowl to make cake. I've been I've been putting in my amount of effort. It's their turn now. Like, it's. It's not on me. It's on them. And what I often like to, you know, kind of reflect back is you're a very different person than you were 5, 7, 10 years ago when you met. Right, yes, of course. I've changed. So have they. This is a new chapter. And so if you're pouring in things that are reflective of who they were and who you were, then it's out of alignment with who you are now that you say that you want different. Maybe you used to love, you know, outdoor sex. Maybe you used to love doing things when you were younger you didn't care about, you know, getting caught. Maybe that was part of the fun. Well, now you're like, I'm a professor. Right. You know. Right.
[00:30:37] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:30:37] Speaker C: Now there's cameras everywhere.
[00:30:40] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:30:40] Speaker C: There's all kinds of layers to it that are very, very different. In this particular.
[00:30:43] Speaker B: You don't want to get canceled.
[00:30:45] Speaker C: Yes, girl. Like a whole another episode. Right.
You don't want to get canceled. So there's a lot of those other layers that we have to consider. And to be honest with you, are you that person. Are you that person that wants to. To do things that way in that particular example? And they're. When we, you know, kind of strip it down, they're usually like, no, I actually just. I just don't want it to be monotonous. I don't want to be bored. So then we have to go into the other layers. Yeah.
[00:31:12] Speaker B: Yes. Yes. Well, I couldn't agree more. We are so aligned because, yeah, I think that, you know, really, it's. The bedroom is really the only place left as adults where we can explore different sides of us and elements of our personality or moods or, you know, hidden corners of our psyche that we don't show. Show the rest of the world. And I'm like, when we limit ourselves, if we're only having sex, that's kind of monotone. Of course we're going to feel bored. Like, we've got to. To create more harmony and add more to the mix so that we've got this, like, sacophanous adventure that awaits us.
[00:31:48] Speaker C: Yes. And if you are listening to this and thinking, like, I don't have time. Right. Because that's. It always comes to that. Like, I'm so busy. We're passing ships in the night. You know, all the tropes and the language. Like, okay, there are some logistical things that you definitely want to incorporate but there's also the reality that when you have good sexual experiences with yourself or with your forever lover, because both of those things can be true. You don't just have to be in a relationship to have phenomenal orgasms. So let me hashtag that.
But when you do that, you light up other parts of your brain so you have more clarity, you're more innovative, you're more creative, you're more empathetic. Like there's. So you're a better leader, you're a better listener.
[00:32:31] Speaker B: Like, oh my God. I always say that, like, good lovers make good leaders.
[00:32:36] Speaker C: Trademark it.
[00:32:37] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:32:38] Speaker C: Because that is. That is the truth. That is the truth.
[00:32:41] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. Well, I could talk to you all day long as I feel all my guests, but this has been such a pleasure. Nikita, thank you so much for joining me this morning. Tell people where they can buy your book and find out more about you.
[00:32:54] Speaker C: Yeah. Thank you. So the book is everywhere, books are sold. Thankfully. It's selfish. Permission to pause. Live love and laugh your way to joy. The best place to come and check me out since you're already listening to podcasts, is we have two podcasts, Balance Boldly. Just click anywhere that you go get your podcast and the lazy overachiever. So that would be the best place. And if you really want to come to the website, you can go to our parent company, which is big Pro. A little play off my name.comt h I g p r o.com awesome.
[00:33:28] Speaker B: And I will put everything in the show notes so it's easy to find and the links will be there. So thank you so much. It was such a pleasure and I hope to connect again soon.
[00:33:36] Speaker C: Soon.
[00:33:37] Speaker A: Thanks again for listening to Love in Libido with me, your host, Dr. Emily Jamia. If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to subscribe and drop me a five star review. Positive ratings help keep the show going. Don't forget to visit emily jamia.com to see how you can access dozens of free bonuses when you purchase my new book, Anatomy of Desire, currently available everywhere books are sold. Additionally, you can follow me across all the social media channels. R Emily Jamia, thank you for listening.
